Happy and Content (that and a silent rant)

Sat here with a cast on my arm and my brace in my mouth I can't help but realise the inadequacy of myself. I also can't help but feel content and happy. How strange that I, with my broken out face, damaged wrist and bad eyesight can be content. I came to this conclusion after a conversation with a good friend. They themselves project an air of ease. They seem happy about who they are inside and out, to most. Like myself, I find them a person of contradictions, shy but quietly confident, happy but secretly sad. One small statement this interesting person spoke, had me ranting silently, thinking of all the things I wished to say, but felt unable. So here they are for you,

Your so called flaws are what make us beautiful! Those scars you are ashamed of, those freckles you try to hide. They are what make you perfect to me. They and you are unique, one of a kind. Do not try and disguise them, they are there for a reason, they make you who you are. Be proud.

Today my heart was broken.

Today my heart was broken. Not by a lover or even an enemy. It was broken and I have never felt so alone. Last night I finally after a long time parted ways with a acquaintance who used to be a friend. I felt relief. I was happy yesterday was a good day.

Today I begged and pleaded for someone I was sure would stand by me to fight my corner, they walked away. I have fought for them, fought with them and fought against them for most of my life. I couldn't believe I had to beg and plead. I begged for help and she turned her back on me. I have never felt so alone. Too her I say " you know they lie and twist things yet you listen and believe them, you know how cruel they can be, how cruel they've been to you before now. Yet you still listen to them and tell them I asked for your help.

To a great mother who tries her best.

I don't want forgiveness because I never said thing you think I did. One day you will realise I meant what I say, that day will be a sad one. You will realise that you never got to know me, that you don't know what I like, who I love, who I don't. It will be one of your biggest regrets. I wonder if you know that we are halfway there. That I don't tell you about the details of my life. That I know as I'm telling you how I feel that my mind is not what you want to know, you want gossip something to brag to your friends about. Do you know that?

I've said hurtful things but how can you believe I said that of all things even as revenge for those hurtful things you said but didn't mean. You made a comparison. But they are nothing alike you said something but didn't mean it. I never said the thing you heard. You are bitter I guess I am too. I know the regret I have to look forward to, it's already here to an extent. Do you have any idea? I don't think you do and that saddens me greatly. It will creep up on you, I try to warn you but your ears aren't open to my voice.